This is not a story of manipulation nor is it a tool for leverage. Gain insight to have your high value man be a self-starter in commitment.
Source: Self Created Image with Canva. All Rights Reserved.
MY APPROACH IS NOT GOSPEL
Let’s start off by stating I am not a psychologist or clinical psychiatrist. Everything in this article is based off 1) I identity as a high value masculine man, 2) I identify as a man who once was a committed husband, & 3) conduct a lot of peer-reviewed research to develop tools women I personally know implement with great self-reported success (i.e. they tell me it works great).
I say once was a committed husband because I actively worked the best I could, did not cross our agreed upon baselines which were grounds for divorce (before marriage) and then did not want a divorce. I was simply told it was happening despite my commitment to marriage. The reason stemmed from immigration issues I could not resolve due to my mishandling of her process. I did not think at the time it was divorceable infraction, but apparently the lack of a person's ability to gain legal permeant residency is grounds to some people.
After we review the types of resources a man might use, I will navigate a tool women can use to navigate their man.
Women I personally know state these indicators and tools correlate to positive outcomes with their male counterparts. They utilize the tools on me and other men in their lives. As a result, they inform me it has made their personal lives easier when dealing with men.
They also offer me feedback. They state it has fostered closer male ties and made men in their personal lives more loyal. I am offering you a “well substantiated opinion” garnished with support of research which illustrates positive outcomes within the circle of women I personally know.
So, take it in this context. I write from a male perspective. Let’s get on with it.
MEN ARE EMOTIONAL
The biggest misconception we were taught is men don’t have feelings. I’m stating the obvious but it’s not true. Men do have feelings. Albeit our feelings are motivated differently. We simply motivate our feelings through actions (2). Depending on the generation you come from men were taught to either 1) suppress their feelings, 2) kill their feelings, or 3) express them. The first is old. The second is old. The third is new.
The complexity with men is what Dr. Ronald Levant cited in his research paper stating, “One striking and far-reaching consequence of the male socialization ordeal is the inability to differentiate and identify their emotions… In its most basic sense, to live detached from one’s emotions is to live isolated from oneself as well as from others — a condition that precludes true intimacy.” (3)
In simple terms this study suggests, “Most men live detached from emotions and have trouble understanding their own emotions let alone their woman’s emotions.”
This tool can be used to unlock their man’s feelings without compromising her man’s masculinity.
After we review the types of resources a man might use, I will navigate a tool women can use to navigate their man. This tool can be used to unlock their man’s feelings without compromising her man’s masculinity. Women are inherently more emotionally intelligent then men. Their insight is probably more accurate when it comes to emotions. Ladies since your inherent emotional intelligence is better (generally) harness your advantage don’t throw temper tantrums your man is less capable than you.
Use a tool I describe here. The tool will illustrate how women can trigger good responses with their men. These responses create openness to further a man’s commitment to his woman. The tool will be great at making her man see her as a safe place to come to without feeling like a child or whiner.
Let’s get to it. Let’s understand three types of resources men were taught use in order to manage their feelings they don’t understand.
SUPPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS
Suppression leads to social dysfunction.
When one overtly suppresses emotions, it affects a crucial domain of adaptation which is ‘social functioning’ (4). Social functioning is a key component to getting along, working out differences and being cooperative.
Ladies since your inherent emotional intelligence is better (generally) harness your advantage don’t throw temper tantrums your man is less capable than you.
When a person lacks this ability, some suggest some people are more prone to anger when things do not go their way. Most previous male generations were known to be “hot heads”. I think women from all generations can relate to a man who gets upset. Anger is an emotion. No woman ever had trouble getting a man angry. Romance was there but typically the romantic guy also got mad a lot. Just watch “The Notebook”. That guy loved her intensely and then would fight with her like crazy. To think, people celebrated that type of behavior tells you a lot.
It kind of looks dysfunctional.
Anger was and is still permissible to most men to accept because it is forceful.
Anger can be a violent emotion as well. Many previous men rationalized anger usage because it spurred action. Whenever a man needed to force something to happen many men used anger to achieve their desired outcome. Remember men tend to express emotion through action (2). Sometimes force is the only way to achieve something. Many men define their value by how “useful” they are.
When I played football, my coaches often used these exact expressions, “Get Angry! Show them you belong here! They don’t belong in your house! Get angry for their disrespect! Get out there and win!”
You get my point.
KILLING YOUR FEELINGS
Killing your emotions leads to indifference.
As we discussed earlier Alexithymia is a characteristic of low emotional intelligence (3) and men tend to have this. Having Alexithymia has been identified as significant predictor of emotional dysregulation, depression, anxiety, especially in girls, and it is generally associated with higher levels of physical and verbal aggression (5).
It takes a lot of effort to kill your feelings. You must channel effort into your mind to tell yourself you will not get riled up. You tell yourself you are stronger than being controlled by a feeling. You tell yourself you won’t be affected by anyone. In order to make these statements true some take on meditation or some other form of mental discipline. It requires so much effort to kill emotions when a man finally comes to meet a woman…he doesn’t feel any more.
This can solicit the classic response, “I don’t feel any passion with this man” or “I don’t feel the spark any longer.”
Women often interpret a man who successfully killed his emotions as a man who doesn’t put in any effort. It is the opposite. A man goes through great lengths to be even keel. So, his mental energy can become drained trying to “Appear Stable”.
This exercise leads to a calm appearance but can also create the unintended consequence of a calm in romanticism. Women love to be romanced. Romance requires feelings. When confronted these men can sometimes be “passive aggressive”. We know why. There is a high chance they might have Alexithymia.
As we discussed earlier Alexithymia is a characteristic of low emotional intelligence (3) and men tend to have this.
Think about it ladies. A man spends all day draining his mental capacity to not react spontaneously to his feelings. He doesn’t want to understand his feelings. He just wants to not feel them. There is a side effect once he doesn’t feel the other emotions. The side effect is he doesn’t spontaneously react to a feeling of love either. You get a man who doesn’t give you any excitement or adventure. He’s trained himself to react to nothing. This can sometimes include your love.
I have a personal saying.
The saying is, “How You Do Anything is How You Do Everything.”
These men are trying to be stable but at great cost to their mental energy state. Their mind is exhausted. It is unnatural to not feel. The mind requires emotions to commit to decisions, even if logic is involved. This is why the guy who kills his nonromantic emotions does not seem to put effort in your relationship. He has not allowed feelings to motivate him.
He tries to do the opposite. He tries to not feel anything.
EXPRESSING IS FEMINE
Ladies, in my personal experience most men see verbal expression as another male crying, gossiping or engaging in idle banter.
Having Alexithymia has been identified as significant predictor of emotional dysregulation…
Personally, I think if a man has any ounce of masculine energy in him, he will feel bad talking about all his problems to his mate. I do not mean men do not need someone to talk to. What I mean is in my experience men do not like to hear other men talk about all their problems. This is especially true when they do nothing about those problems. Men in my personal experience are action orientated. Often we want to know what we need to do to fix an issue. Generally, we don’t want to talk about it. We want to fix it.
If a man does not want to do anything and simply wants to talk, most men tend to look at the guy talking as weak. This will never change among masculine men. Remember this. It is important. This is often why some women are frustrated when their men respond to their feeling expressions as, “What do you want me to do?”
Ladies you want your man to listen. Your man wants to do something. This is the example of masculine versus feminine. The difference today is women expect a man to understand feminine communication when they are conventionally not trained to. It is very difficult for a masculine man to understand feminine communication. With effort and training anything is possible. Just remember the thing you take for granted is learned.
Masculinity is embraced by feminine energy. If a guy talks too much about his problems, while showing no action to resolve them, it often appears he is complaining. Men tend to call other guys doing this a B****h. Believe it or not this word is often used to almost exclusively refer to other males not women.
THE TOOL OF NAVIGATION
If your man is using one of the three actions to manage his emotions, you are able to use a “Male Navigation Tool”.
What is a Male Navigation Tool (“MNT”)?
This is a tool whereby you employ positive encouragement to remind a man he can find actionable solutions by asking empowering questions which challenge him to assess his worth and guide him to do something.
The MNT can be used to change: 1) the way he treats you, 2) address your concerns, & 3) make permanent change in his behavior which is beneficial to your committed relationship.
Remember, men often get negative reinforcement from other men. This is a masculine way of communicating. We need to communicate feminine words effectively to translate into a masculine mind.
Effective communication is about understanding not talking a lot.
HOW TO USE THE TOOL
Here is a good example. It’s best to illustrate the MNT with a scenario example. In an effort to keep the article from becoming too long I will model only one scenario:
Suppression Scenario: Your husband works every day in the oil field. He leaves for a week at a time and it’s standard to work 60-hour weeks. He’s often hot, tired and burnt out when he comes home. He made a promise to attend church Sunday. Sunday is his only day off. Instead, you see him on the couch getting ready for Sunday football and cracks open a beer. You’re upset because he hasn’t spent time with the family and broke his word to you. You tell him you’re mad and he needs to get ready. He gets angry and blows up saying he’s tired. An argument is about to ensue depending on your next choice of words.
How to use the MNT.
Instead of inflaming the situation through insults stop. First phrase a question by highlighting character traits. Then positively affirm his capability to “do”. Next end with an option to do it “now” or offer a solution how he can always “do” it in the future.
Example, “Honey you are always a man who keeps his word. You are a man who doesn’t flake or compromise his integrity. I know you can be strong when you are burnt out and even when you’re at a low point you have it in you to honor your commitments. Can you please honor your commitment today or give me a solution how you will keep your word when you feel like this in the future?
In this particular instance you will immediately diffuse his anger (in most instances). If he was to get mad or go against this it would require him to 1) admit he has no integrity, 2) admit he’s wrong, 3) weaken his word, 4) devalue himself and 5) say his word isn’t to be respected because he won’t do what he says.
The great thing about ending it with a question is even if he feels too drained you asking him to do something about changing this situation give him the option to not “do” this again — it gives him an out allowing him to save face by acting better next time. Most masculine men instantly recognize being the person described above makes people lose respect for them. We know the saying, “Be a man of your word.”
Most men want to be respected.
There are only two likely outcomes: 1) He will immediately get up and go to church or 2) be forced to implement a plan where he goes to church consistently going forward.
Ironically, he will probably just go to church if he’s tired because the 2nd option is more effort. Then he will most likely do what you suggested away from you (just not in the moment) to make sure he can follow through.
Remember masculine men do things (2). Masculine men do not talk about them. Don’t demand he explain himself to you. Demand he do something about it. Ask what you want in every situation. You want something most of the time. I guarantee it will be few times where what you want is simply to get him to admit you’re right. Sometimes maybe but definitely not all the time.
DON’T PAY BAD ATTENTION & EXPECT GOOD RESULTS
Today’s less masculine people are attempting to be thought leaders by marginalizing the way men operated for nearly a millennia to build today’s society.
Any invention people discuss today is an experiment. The non-binary alphabet society is barely 20 years old. They owe their abilities to express themselves to the 2nd wave of the women’s rights movement — which is about 50 years old (6).
I am not marginalizing or insulting this new experiment.
I am merely labeling it what a new attempt at society is. It is an experiment.
We have no measurable information available showing empirical data this new non-binary alphabet society will work. Not labeling people masculine or feminine is a new idea which is unproven.
With China on the rise and Russia threatening nuclear war over Ukraine (for NATO involvement) for all we know these experiments may be short lived. I sincerely hope we do not get a war or an invasion. What are considered existential threats to our society do not ascribe to the non-binary viewpoint. The leaders of these nations often describe these views as moral degeneracy. Specifically cited in a research paper from the view of the average Russian freedom of speech with sexual liberation has led to pornography, propaganda of violence, moral decay, & excessive luxury (7).
Please note this doesn’t have anything to do with orientation. As there is masculine and feminine dynamics in all relationships. This includes same sex ones.
The old society created all modern things (including the smartphone). I personally will bet on something which created society and humanity as we know it. That means I’m an advocate to bet on Masculine and Feminine Polarity. That is where the value is to me and my wife. What is the value you assign?
Want a six-figure value? Find a six-figure worth inside yourself. Your worth exists. Unfortunately, my secret for six figure items will not be discovered in this free article. You must pick up a copy of my international best-selling book “I Made It Then I Didn’t” or order “Many Paths To Profit” for that.
The concept I teach in this article is free. My personal stories are not. Don’t let pennies get in the way of dollars. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Buy my books today to discover your worth. I think your worth a whole lot more than what people value you.
To Your Knowledge Success!
*
Sources
1) The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” & Co-Author of “Many Paths To Profit” with the original shark from Shark Tank Kevin Harrington.
2) The Centre For Male Psychology. “Men tend to regulate their emotions through actions rather than words”. Wright, Peter. Accessed 8 August 2024 1103AM CST.
3) Men And Emotions. a Psychoeducational Approach (Assessment and Treatment of Psychological Disorders, Manual and Video Edition). Levant, Ronald F. Ph.D. Paperback 1 January 1997. ISBN-10: 156784412X ISNB-13: 978-1567844122.
4) J Pers Soc Pyschol. “The Social Costs of Emotional Suppression: A Prospective Study of the Transition to College”. Sanjay S., Tamir M., et al. 2009 April; 96(4): 883-897. doi: 10.1037/a0014755. PMCID: PMC4141473NIHMSID: NIHMS614281PMID: 19309209
5) APA PsycNet®. “Alexithymia as a risk factor for social indifference: A quantitative study with a large sample of female adolescents.” Pepe, A., Ornaghi, V., Belacchi, C., & Farina, E. (2023). School Mental Health: A Multidisciplinary Research and Practice Journal. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12310-023-09568-z. Accessed 8 August 1PM CST.
6) Women’s Rights Movement. Political and Social Movement. Burkett E.. Fact Cheked by Editors of Encyclopedia Britannica. 30 July 2024. Britannica Online. Accessed 8 August 2024 at 1231PM CST.
7) Office for Information and Press. Brussels Institute of World Economy and Internatinoal Relations, Moscow. “The West in Russian Mentality”. Prof Diligensky G., Chugrov S. PhD. 2000. Published Online NATO website link: https://www.nato.int/acad/fellow/98-00/diliguenski.pdf. Accessed 8 August 2024 121PM CST.
Like this Article? Tip The Author!
**
Sign Up for Medium Today! Gain unlimited access to all my articles and thousands of premium quality articles today.
***
Not a form of investment advice. Please consult a professional registered to give you advice about your individual circumstance. This article is for educational purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please do not email the author about advice on investing or strategies on making investments.
About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” and Co-Author with Kevin “The Shark” Harrington “Many Paths To Profit”. Christopher has opened over 7 businesses in his 15-year career. Christopher’s purpose is to take advantage of various market-driven opportunities. Christopher is a certified Master Project Manager (MPM), and Accredited Financial Analyst (AFA). Christopher previously held his Series 65 securities license examination and was a Master Financial Planner (MFP). Christopher also held his General Lines — Life, Accident, Health & HMO. Christopher has managed a combined 286mm USD in reported Assets Under Management & Assets Under Advisement. Christopher has work experience in 33 countries, raised over 50mm USD for various businesses, and grossed over 13.0mm in his personal career. Christopher worked in the highly technical industries of: biotechnology, finance, securities, manufacturing, real estate, and residential mortgages. Christopher is a United States Air Force Veteran. Christopher has a passion for family, competitive sports, fishing, martial arts and advocacy for entrepreneurs. Christopher provides self-help classes for up-and-coming entrepreneurs. Christopher’s passion to mentor comes from belief that entrepreneurs need guidance. The world is full of conflicting information about entrepreneur identity. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.
Komentar