You can preserve your identity despite the apparent sacrifice.
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MARRIED TO US NOT ME
From my keystrokes an image of you, my reader, is materializing. I see your eyes. You stare out the window. It is early. The coffee steam slowly creeps from your cup. It is only six in the morning. I see your thoughts wonder. Do you remember what that little girl said on career day in elementary school?
Do you remember her dreams?
Do you feel like you’re losing a part of yourself?
Do you even know what it feels like to be you instead of us?
Many feel this way. Marriage has a way of absorbing identities. Often people know only us. Comfort is the deceiver of identities and its mistress the temptress of convenience. In your quest for security your casualties can be dreams, hopes and aspirations.
WHO ARE YOU!?
You can be you without him. You can be you without your children. We often fail to realize that we are not defined by our tasks. Men are guilty of tying their identity to work. Women are guilty of tying their identity to family.
Many men do not feel like anything without a job.
Many women who are married with children do not feel like anything if they are not a mother.
Too many times I hear, “My life is my children. I live to do everything for them.”
Comfort is the deceiver of identities…
What happens when children grow older and start their families? What will you do when your actions are not best served on children? Children become adults. Many seek out grandchildren to replace their children. It is a noble quest to dedicate one’s life to a child. Personally, I find many positives in this mission. Despite the positivity associated with this path I observe. My observation is too many times dedication to family does not address a person’s identity.
I would argue, most are not defined as a father or mother.
Is it possible you are neglecting the most important person in your life? Are you leading a life of self-neglect?
I love my family beyond measure. Despite the amount of love I have, I do not define myself only as a husband or father. This is a generic title. This only one role. I am more than a title or a role.
DEFINE WHO YOU ARE
Are you a writer? Are you a poet? Are you an impassioned debater? Are you a scholar of science? Are you a creative painter?
…its mistress the temptress of convenience
These questions are meant to create a chain of thought. This chain is designed to link you to your actual identity. A role is not the same as an identity. An assignment is not the same as a state of being.
Careful! Do not limit the definition of who you are to the ability to earn money. Money is a measure of value used to exchange goods or services.
No person is a good. No person is merely a service. Who you are is not a measure of commerce. Who you are is a measure of person. Do not be deceived by life insurance — there is no price for a person’s life despite the payout which sometimes follows their demise.
THE IDENTITY PERSON
Identity refers to an individual’s organized constellation of traits; attitudes; self-knowledge; cognitive structures; past, present, and future self-representations; social roles; relationships; and group affiliations. Together these characteristics define who one is, heavily influence how one thinks about the self and the social world, and provide the impetus for many behaviors, judgments, and decisions. (2)
In your quest for security your casualties can be dreams, hopes and aspirations.
People contain characteristics, traits and ideas. Your identity is best served by expressing these characteristics, traits and ideas. You can still be yourself in any role. We can assume many roles in our lives. Sometimes, the roles we choose. Other times we are placed in roles beyond our control.
Many people have multiple roles. I have the role of a corporate secretary, project manager, analyst, shareholder, businessperson, hustler, writer, friend, father, brother, lover and many more.
I am not any of my roles. Roles are simply who I am to some person. Who I am is defined by my characteristics, traits and ideas.
IDENTIFY WHO IS YOUR IDENTITY
No measure of employment can give you identity. No achievement of recognition can define your identity. No form of wealth can assign a value to your identity.
In all instances, these items are independent of your identity. In all aspects of life, it is your choice to retain identity.
My identity will remain regardless of whether I am: incarcerated in a jail, celebrated on a stage, demonized in the media, bankrupt under a bridge or fighting in a war for my country.
A role is not the same as an identity…
My identity is a myriad of traits which make me unique. I am an attitude of perseverance with the self-knowledge of my keen ability to value effort over results. I care nothing for a reward or a consequence for my actions. I value only the intention of my efforts.
As the famed Kensei, Miyamoto Musashi once said, “To die as a warrior means to have crossed swords and either won or lost without any consideration to winning or losing.” (3)
My identity is unique in the sense I care for no outcome or result — only the effort put in with purpose to satisfy my own conscious of values, ethics and morals. All other results or perceptions are immaterial to my state of consciousness.
I have convinced myself the measure of my life’s worth will come after this life — not during it.
I am not you.
This personal illustration is meant to show you how identity can be retained under all circumstances.
PAY ATTENTION TO WHO YOU ARE
It is within your power, as you sip your cup of coffee, to call upon yourself. You are not buried or denied your person by virtue of marriage. You have not been made to sacrifice yourself for anybody. Your children do not take up so much time your identity is lost.
You can still be yourself in any role…
The choice of who you are is not limited by any role. You should not do yourself such a disservice to bury who you are within any task or role.
The point of my writing is simple. You would most likely have the same identity crisis if you were doing the job, you always wanted. Men experience this frequently. It is often called a mid-life crisis when they retire.
My writing is effective because I only care that one (1) person reads it. The one person can be you. Perhaps you are the one person who has an epiphany they always have identity despite their hard circumstance. All people have identity. It is up to you to recognize your identity. You can do this now.
This is my intention of writing.
You might have been a captain of your life’s journey on a ship, who has a long course in the wrong direction, but you can change direction in an instant. Simply turn your rudder now to who you really are…your identity.
You can choose your identity in any moment and under any circumstance. Unfortunately, not all my secrets will be discovered in this free article. You must pick up a copy of my international best-selling book “I Made It Then I Didn’t” or order “Many Paths To Profit” for that.
The concept I teach in this article is free. My personal stories are not. Don’t let pennies get in the way of showing you something much more valuable than a dollar. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. If you want to understand how you might express your identity better; find how I retained my identity during million-dollar highs and bankrupt lows. Grab one of my books today.
To Your Knowledge Success!
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Sources
1) The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” & Co-Author of “Many Paths To Profit” with the original shark from Shark Tank Kevin Harrington.
2) Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. Identity. Guenther, C.L., Wilton, E., Fernandes, R. (2020). Identity. In: Zeigler-Hill, V., Shackelford, T.K. (eds) Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-24612-3_1132
3) Book of Five Rings. The Definitive Interpretation of Miyamoto Musashi’s Classic Book of Strategy. Kauman S. Tuttle Publishing.
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Certain elements in this story may have been fictionalized to illustrate a creative story. This is a form of artistic expression not narration of fact. Not a form of investment advice. Please consult a professional registered to give you advice about your individual circumstance. This article is for educational purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please do not email the author about advice on investing or strategies on making investments.
About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” and Co-Author with Kevin “The Shark” Harrington “Many Paths To Profit”. Christopher has opened over 7 businesses in his 15-year career. Christopher’s purpose is to take advantage of various market-driven opportunities. Christopher is a certified Master Project Manager (MPM), and Accredited Financial Analyst (AFA). Christopher previously held his Series 65 securities license examination and was a Master Financial Planner (MFP). Christopher also held his General Lines — Life, Accident, Health & HMO. Christopher has managed a combined 286mm USD in reported Assets Under Management & Assets Under Advisement. Christopher has work experience in 33 countries, raised over 50mm USD for various businesses, and grossed over 13.0mm in his personal career. Christopher worked in the highly technical industries of: biotechnology, finance, securities, manufacturing, real estate, and residential mortgages. Christopher is a United States Air Force Veteran. Christopher has a passion for family, competitive sports, fishing, martial arts and advocacy for entrepreneurs. Christopher provides self-help classes for up-and-coming entrepreneurs. Christopher’s passion to mentor comes from belief that entrepreneurs need guidance. The world is full of conflicting information about entrepreneur identity. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.
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