Original Professional Hustler
- Aug 23
- 14 min read

Did You Marry The Love of Your Life? For Men The Answer is Not Really.

A woman is madly in love and the man reciprocates. At least, that’s what she believes.

POLARITY FOR DIFFERENT POLES

Men and women are opposite. Polarity is like the north and south poles. Despite opposite locations there is attraction between the two. The north pole is ice cold. The south pole is ice cold. These similarities do not negate the fact their climates are vastly different.

We all crave to feel love. Commitment, loyalty, and sacrifice are three great attributes to inhabit a loving relationship.

There is a difference between feeling love and obtaining love.

Women want to feel these items. Men want to see them in practice. The poles of polarity inhabit the masculine and feminine. Sometimes this polarity means the woman your husband felt madly in love with is not you.

MOST MEN DO NOT MARRY THE LOVE OF THEIR LIFE

This sounds strange. I’m sure you want to fact check this. If you are reading this article there is a part of you which wants to react. I can feel my women readers impulses as I type these letters.

Their impulse says, “My husband loves me more than anything. You’re wrong. He wouldn’t marry me if I wasn’t the love of his life.”

I’m sure your husbands love you ladies.

There is a difference between feeling love and obtaining love.

There’s a good change he just doesn’t love you the way you do. That’s the issue with the sexes. Both of us attempt to understand each other from the lens we perceive.

Women see through a special looking glass. Their lives are seen in colors of passion, emotional empathy and various feelings whose wave lengths could compose a beautiful melody.

Men do not see the world this way. Most men see the world as a matter of facts, observations and truths. We measure the world the way it is not the way we wish it was. One of these facts is married men live longer than unmarried men (2).

We often think American society is the architectural society. Afterall, we live here. Americans unanimously across the board agree the primary reason to choose marriage is “love” (3). A PEW Research Study sample said 84% of unmarried men gave love as their primary reason. Women of course were +90%.

The shock is the same society who places love at top priority, openly admitted, for about 7 out of 10 people, the universe does give only one (1) true love for a person (3).

This is where we diverge. Women often want to believe their opinion that the one they marry believes them to be their only true love. For men, we know this is not true. Most men (about 70%) know they have loved someone else equally if not more in the past.

MY OWN TESTIMONY

Theory, facts and statistics are great. What’s better than experience? I can talk personally about an experience.

I once was madly in love with a woman. She was a woman before my current wife and after my first wife. She was excellent at delivering me words of affirmation when I needed it, navigating intimacy, manipulating my emotions positively and was a great mother. I once drove across country and talked to her for sixteen hours. The ride felt like 30 minutes. We used no radio. The only entertainment I required was her dialogue. She was excellent at so many things. I would love her to tears. She evoked very strong emotions in me. I will never forget her.

I did not marry her.

Sound strange?

If you’re a woman I’m sure it does.

Women often want to believe their opinion the one they marry believes them to be their only true love. This is not true most of the time.

As a man there were practical items for me to consider. Despite the level of intensity in our personal feelings about each other there were several factors which were unhealthy. Some might call it “toxic”. Love is blind they say. Let’s talk about how blind I was.

THE WILLFUL BLIND EYE

She hid the fact she was still married when we first began an intimate relationship. Yes, you read that correctly. She was excellent at being discrete. She held no social media and had no digital footprint anywhere online. She was a digital apparition. She still is to this day. She cannot be found unless she wants you to find her.

Privacy Note: Privacy is a right. Having no social media does not necessarily reflect shady character.

The revelation of her marital status was revealed to me after about 6 months into the relationship. When I discovered the wrongness, I could not reconcile my feelings from morality. I was so deeply entranced in my feelings I could not help myself. I went against my morals. This caused several dysfunctions. One included a physical altercation with her soon to be divorced husband. This traumatized both of our children. It put an insane amount of stress on everyone. She was excellent at having me doubt the rationale of things by always keeping our discussions about how we felt. We felt strongly for each other. There was no secret. Despite these feelings, the amount of dysfunction that spawned from the situation became overwhelming.

What starts wrong ends wrong. We went our separate ways because I knew it was a bad idea to continue a relationship with a married woman. It did not matter if they were separated or going through a divorce. Married is still married no matter what your situation is. Justifying it is an excuse.

Most men (about 70%) know they have loved someone else equally if not more in the past.(3)

It is difficult to compare my feelings of her to anyone else. They are unique. She is one of the few women that evoked tears when I described how I loved her. Despite this reality feelings could not overcome the reality of our situation.

I am married to someone else who envokes her own unique feelings of love between us. I do not believe in comparisons. Each person is unique.

COMMITTED MEN ARE COMMITTED TO SACRIFICE

The highest calling for a man of commitment is sacrifice. Viktor Frankl, in his award winning book “A Man’s Search For Meaning,” discussed this male perspective of this at length. A man’s purpose can drive him through unspeakable horrors and surface on the other side a better man (4). In Viktor's book one of these purposes was a woman, specifically a man’s wife. If you are unfamiliar with this book, you must read it. I have a full article about it here, if you have further interest in one of the most substantial psychological books of the 20th century.

Men are called to sacrifice comfort for discomfort. The idea is we will earn what is awarded.

There are no gifts in the world. We are required to protect our loved ones. This involves all matters of all danger and risk. This is expected. When danger confronts our family, we are required to fight. This fight must be undertaken even at the cost of our life.

I do not believe in comparisons. Each person is unique.

Men who are commitment orientated embrace sacrifice. If you are biblical, a reverent person of scripture or a Christian you know the story of Jesus. Jesus’ example is one of sacrifice. There is a long tradition of men to “take up their own cross” and march up their hill.

Modern protestants view (post 1990s mainly) the cross as a representation of Jesus dying for their sins, and the work is already done. Praise Jesus they say. Scholars understand this is naïve. So do I.

The crucifix stands at the center of western society because of the importance of sacrifice in a successful community.

The cross represents sacrifice we all must undertake. The march is perilous. The steps painful. The destination a calling to destiny. The reward is everlasting appreciation.

This only comes through sacrifice. Commitment orientated men understand this. Bearing the cross is a symbol of a hard journey only rewarded at the end through ultimate sacrifice. The work is not already done. You must do your own march to the temple mount.

A woman worthy of commitment is not the woman who makes us feel the best. A woman worthy of commitment is the one we know is the best.

Mature men are willing to bear the cross for their wives and walk up the temple mount to everlasting appreciation. There is no celebration at the end. There is only transcendence. Most men do not feel like doing this, but we do it anyways.

KNOWLEDGE VS EXPERIENCE

Men like to know things. We want certainty. Feelings are an experience. There can be little certainty feelings will remain constant. Throughout a single day ranges of emotions will occur. The range can start off as joy, transform into anger, conclude with bitterness and then go to sleep with relief.

A woman worthy of commitment is not the woman who makes us feel the best. A woman worthy of commitment is the one we know is the best.

There is no constant state of certainty in feelings. Therefore, men of my type who are emotionally mature understand they cannot make decisions based on their feelings. Often, we make decisions in spite of our feelings. Sometimes this means deciding to do something we don’t “feel” like doing.

Men of my type decide off what we know not what we feel. This includes not marrying someone based on our intense feelings for the other.

This is strange for some women to hear. Most women I know say if they don’t “feel loved” it is not a working model for them. I know my wife loves me. Sometimes it does not feel like it, but I know she loves me. This knowledge keeps me grounded. It lets me push beyond fleeting feelings.

LOYALTY THROUGH KNOWLEDGE

My wife’s loyalty is limited to how she feels in her space. If she feels constant stress, anxiety and/or sadness her loyalty will stop. If she feels consistent effort towards love, sincerity and commitment she will remain loyal.

I do not grieve over this.

I understand it as a material fact. My wife conditionally loves me. My wife does not unconditionally love me. That is okay. Very few of us will ever know unconditional love. This typically comes with a parent to a child. It is one of the only examples I have witnessed. A rapist victim testifyied how much she loved he son despite being raped by her son’s father.

The exact words from this woman were, “My son is love. He is God’s gift of love sent to heal my heart and draw me closer to the one who created us both.” (5)

There is truly no greater love than genuine parental love for their child.

My wife and I do not have a maternal or paternal love in our romantic relationship. Our love is different. Personally, I do not think unconditional love is possible in a romantic union. I take care to handle my wife as best as I can. In handling her I do my best to not evoke feelings of stress, anxiety or sadness on her. This is not because I “feel” like it’s the right thing to do. I do this because I “know” it’s the right thing to do.

She in turn understands I come with conditions. I expect respect, clear boundaries, priority of family over professional endeavors, and spiritual commitment to the same faith. If she fulfills these conditions, I am loyal to her and love her with my entire essence.

This is the opposite of the emotional charged passion I mentioned before with the woman I did not marry. The commitment I have now is a spiritual endeavor with consistent effort, based on trust, and mutual commitment to each other.

The one before was not centered on faith and was based on feelings. Often feelings change. They are evoked from a stimuli one day and gone the next when the stimuli is no longer present.

A NON-PASSIONATE LOVE?

Ladies it may sound like this type of love doesn’t have passion. It may sound dry. I promise it is the opposite. Commitment orientated men know they must offer their women passion. We may not feel like being passionate, but a truly mature man knows he must be. As a result, a mature man will not neglect the passion aspect of a relationship. This will be true even if he doesn’t “feel” like it.

Remember, lifelong commitment cannot always be based on how we feel. There will be too many opportunities throughout the years to feel differently. Mature men understand this.

Commitment orientated men know they must offer their women passion.

In my opinion this is why you see tangible marriages fizzle out in an average 5 to 8 years. When the passion withers both emotionally immature people go their separate ways. These people forget or do not know there is a cycle to long term relationships. The majority of relationships will go through a similar pattern.

ONE TYPE OF CYCLE FOR LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS

One type of cycle for long term relationships looks like:

1) Initial excitement of the unknown. 2) Uncertainty of commitment. 3) Celebration of Public Declaration. 4) Formal Commitment. 5) Exercise of marriage. 6) Erosion of passion through routine. 7) Choice to recommit or separate.

My first marriage failed at the end of this first cycle. This failure spawned a lesson I apply within my 2nd marriage. My first marriage lasted nine and a half years. Right around the typical end of the relationship cycle above. I chose separation instead of recommitment.

RESETTING THE CYCLE ENDLESSLY

I learned about recommitment and apply it this time around. When a person recommits it resets the whole cycle.

The excitement of the unknown comes back. The uncertainty of re-commitment keeps us on our toes. Once it is publicly re-celebrated, we rejoice. Formal commitment is re-established. We re-enter the state of marriage.

If we are smart, we evade routine to not allow passion erosion. If passion erodes be wise. Start your cycle over. Don’t start your search over. It’s foolish.

MY PERSONAL EFFORTS TO NOT BE ROUTINE

I keep my personal relationship from being routine by choosing the most random days to do celebration type of events.

I completely catch my wife off guard and blind side her with random extravagant expressions. I light candles, make artwork, create tokens of affection. I decorate at random. When my wife comes home, she randomly experiences events. Many think my effort is suitable for an anniversary.

I do it for a normal day.

This way I continuously keep her life from being routine. She never really knows what she will walk into. It’s important the “random” element is preserved. I do this also in my profession. I am often required to up and fly somewhere without prior notice. I use these opportunities to tell her she’s going somewhere exotic. I give her no plan or warning. It is just a surprise “You’re flying here”. That excites her.

Important to note if I was to do it every week or month it would create “expectation”. This defeats the whole purpose. Don’t let activities be a routine thing. The occurrence must be completely without correlation, schedule or predictability. My wife could get 2 events in one week and then not see another event for 3 months. That’s how I avoid routine. She has no way of predicting when a surprise will happen. I have no pattern.

You should not adopt a pattern either.

REAL LIFE APPLICATIONS FOR FAILURES

I have applied the full cycle already in my 2nd marriage. Albeit it was only about two and a half years for our cycle. Our cycle was faster. There are many reasons for this. I will not get into why our cycle was faster in this article. The point is we are back in love. We look and appear as if we are still in our honeymoon stage.

There is no penalty for length of cycle. Cycles will last different for many people. Some will last a decade. Others will last two years. Some will take an entire lifetime to reach the end. There is no time limit or standard. The only thing you need to recognize is what stage you are at.

When you arrive at the end, take the ride again.

Why?

You can take the ride with a new person or the one right in front of you. You might as well take the ride with the person who proved they committed to you. With new people it’s a toss-up. At least with your current partner you know they were willing to do it once…why not do it again? Past performance is indicative of future performance.

The value is in recognizing commitment not searching for it.

Want a high value recommitment? Find high self-worth inside. Your worth exists. Unfortunately, not all my secrets will not be discovered in this free article. You must pick up a copy of my international best-selling book “I Made It Then I Didn’t” or order “Many Paths To Profit” for that.

The concept I teach in this article is free. My personal stories are not. Don’t let pennies get in the way of dollars. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. To find in depth strategies on relationship building you must buy a copy of one of my best sellers. There’s always a punch line. Don’t act surprised.

To Your Knowledge Success!

Sources

1) The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” & Co-Author of “Many Paths To Profit” with the original shark from Shark Tank Kevin Harrington.

2) RAND. “Health, Marriage, and Longer Life for Men”. Lee A. Lillard, Constantijn (Stan) Paris. 1998.

3) Pew Research Center. “The Decline of Marriage And Rise of New Families”. November, 2010. Pew Research Center.

4) A Man’s Search For Meaning. Frankl, Viktor E. 1946.

5) Live Action. “Mother who conceived in rape: My son is ‘God’s gift of love sent to heal my heart’. Terzo Sarah. 13 May 2020. Accessed August 23, 2024. Link: https://www.liveaction.org/news/mother-rape-son-gods-gift-heal-heart/

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Certain elements in this story may have been fictionalized to illustrate a creative story. This is a form of artistic expression not narration of fact. Not a form of investment advice. Please consult a professional registered to give you advice about your individual circumstance. This article is for educational purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please do not email the author about advice on investing or strategies on making investments.

About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” and Co-Author with Kevin “The Shark” Harrington “Many Paths To Profit”. Christopher has opened over 7 businesses in his 15-year career. Christopher’s purpose is to take advantage of various market-driven opportunities. Christopher is a certified Master Project Manager (MPM), and Accredited Financial Analyst (AFA). Christopher previously held his Series 65 securities license examination and was a Master Financial Planner (MFP). Christopher also held his General Lines — Life, Accident, Health & HMO. Christopher has managed a combined 286mm USD in reported Assets Under Management & Assets Under Advisement. Christopher has work experience in 33 countries, raised over 50mm USD for various businesses, and grossed over 13.0mm in his personal career. Christopher worked in the highly technical industries of: biotechnology, finance, securities, manufacturing, real estate, and residential mortgages. Christopher is a United States Air Force Veteran. Christopher has a passion for family, competitive sports, fishing, martial arts and advocacy for entrepreneurs. Christopher provides self-help classes for up-and-coming entrepreneurs. Christopher’s passion to mentor comes from belief that entrepreneurs need guidance. The world is full of conflicting information about entrepreneur identity. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.

Sources

2) RAND. “Health, Marriage, and Longer Life for Men”. Lee A. Lillard, Constantijn (Stan) Paris. 1998.

3) Pew Research Center. “The Decline of Marriage And Rise of New Families”. November, 2010. Pew Research Center.

4) A Man’s Search For Meaning. Frankl, Viktor E. 1946.

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Did You Marry The Love of Your Life? For Men The Answer is Not Really.

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