I do not speak of irony. I do not speak of an afterlife. I speak only of truthful perspective.
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THIS IS NOT POETRY
I am not a poet. I am not a soothsayer. Death touches us all. Death resides on the inside. Death occurs internally long before it manifest itself to the surface. Seneca was a known orator, philosopher and politician in ancient Rome. To this end, Seneca embraced death not as a separate event but as something internal. We all carry our card to punch on the inside. Only by liberating ourselves from the repression of death in our minds can we truly live and be happy.
I am not the first mind to recognize philosophy. I will not be the last. My time will pass. As many close to me have. My words are inked in this passage. My thoughts embodied here to echo into your mind. Perhaps the echo will forever sound in the caverns of your mind.
Read on.
THE PROPER VANTAGE OF DEATH
Seneca discovered the reality death is not external while exiled in AD 41 on Corsica (1). Seneca practiced this at his death in AD 65 when he was implicated in Emperor Nero’s plot to kill the emperor (1). Seneca was ordered executed by Emperor Nero. Instead Seneca committed suicide willingly when confronted by the Roman officer sent to deliver his death (1). Seneca did so painfully by slicing his wrists, ankles and drinking poison (1). It was a slow painful process. He did so in front of his friends to show how he could remain positive in the face of such apparent injustice.
The illustration was meant to show by embracing death, life held all its meaning.
There was no injustice in Seneca’s mind because he had exercised every moment of his life knowing his death was inevitable.
Seneca is remembered as a great mind. Nero is remembered as a deviant. The point is well taken. I am writing about Seneca nearly two thousand years later. Truth is never forgotten. Only lies are dismissed.
EMOTIONS ARE REAL THEY JUST AREN’T REALITY
I am not a robot. As I write this I have endured by all definitions a tragedy. A mother of mine is dead. She is no longer alive (clinically speaking). I have all emotions defined as grief. I do not suffer from Hubristic Pride. I can broaden my perspective despite my individual feelings.
I remind myself of an ancient Indian parable to cope with individual feelings. The parable is translated by me (forgive me if there is some omission) as best as I can recall. It helps illustrate the broader perspective concept.
Five blind men are traveling. During their travels they arrive at a village. In this village a mythical elephant resides. It is said, the elephant will grant fortune, wisdom and success to those who encounter it. The blind men are led to this elephant. Each man approaches the elephant. None can see but they wish to behold the majesty of the elephant.
The first man touches the trunk of the elephant. He exclaims the texture is rough and long. The first man says the elephant is that of a snake. The second man touches the ear. He exclaims the elephant is as smooth as the finest fabric and light to the touch. The third man encounters the elephant leg. He exclaims the elephant is stout and strong as a tree. The fourth man arrives at the side of the elephant. He exclaims it is wide and is the shape of a wall. The final man approaches from behind. He encounters the tail and says all are incorrect. The elephant is fine like a rope and moves fluidly (2).
Each person's experiences were real. None were wrong. Each one defined their reality from their personal perspective. All items are true. Unfortunately none are completely correct.
TO SEE TRUTHFULLY YOU MUST BORROW ANOTHER EYE
A human fallacy is forcing unto others an individual perspective. This fallacy comes from insistence an individual's view is the entirety of a picture. As evidenced from our Indian parable no one person can see the broader picture. Lack of proper perspective often leads some to rely on Hubris. Hubris is typically an inflated sense of self. Often this inflation is fueled without any real concrete facts or support. Hubristic Pride draws on the inflated sense of self to project narrow views unto others without any factual basis. Hubristic Pride causes the expulsion of negativity, belligerence and violence unto others (3). In our own grief we cannot imagine another world. Our feelings are real. Therefore, feelings are all that are required to substantiate a position.
How dare another person not empathize!?
How dare someone tell us what we should be doing!?
How dare one travel from afar to tell us what we should do when we are the ones closer!?
Can I pose a question?
How can one person tell the whole world their personal perspective sees complete reality?
We cannot say our personal perspective is completely right. Much as the blind men argued what an elephant was, we cannot argue what our loved one’s death really was. We can only tell others what our loved one’s death was to us. In order to get complete perspective on what is happening to us we must take in other’s perspective to see the broader view.
Much as a person looking at the front of a skyscraper cannot tell you what is behind it…you cannot tell someone what someone’s death actually is.
You can only tell a person what someone’s death is to you.
WE EACH CONTRIBUTE
We each individually contribute to the broader view. Each truth is needed to bring the whole picture to light. It is impossible for any one person to see death properly. Only by coming together and accepting everyone’s truth can we know the whole truth.
Each person's experiences were real. None were wrong. Each one defined their reality from their personal perspective. All items are true. Unfortunately none are completely correct.
As painful as it is, we must admit our personal feelings are not more important than the feelings of everyone. Everyone contributes to the complete picture.
Standing by our individual truth as complete truth means we are not truthful to ourselves. The person who visits once a year is just as important as the person who lives there every day. Death binds us all. Hubristic Pride demands division, dissent and calls to hierarchy. There is no place for ego during grief. There is only love, support and assistance.
Denying everyone’s perspective means we hurt ourselves. Ironically, incorporating others is not about others. It is the way you can learn what things really are. Considering others is a self interested action. All should be motivated by self interest.
What something is to you is not what it is to the world.
Do not play the fool when it is not April Fool’s day.
CLOSER AWAY NEEDS FURTHER CLOSENESS
We need others.
From the furthest distant third removed cousin to the husband or wife who was there at the last moments. Each offers a unique perspective which can help the other get a full grasp of what is actually happening. The closer you are the more intense the subjective perspective. The closer you are the less objective you will be.
Hubristic Pride demands division, dissent and calls to hierarchy. There is no place for ego during grief. There is only love, support and assistance.
Subjective people know the feelings of the deceased. Subjective relatives can tell others what the deceased really felt at the end. They are incredible resources to ensure the feelings of the deceased are accurately represented.
Objective people know the feasibility of making the deceased wishes come to fruition. Objective people know the best path to make the feelings reality.
The objective person is best in telling you how to walk. They can empathize but deal with the reality of strangers better.
Strangers are not family. Most completely rely on strangers to do all the important tasks in death. Strangers will 1) bury/cremate, 2) administer the death process, 3) preserve the body, 4) provide the final resting place, 5) deal with money, et cetera. We should not shun this fact. Others are required to complete an individual's mourning process. This includes strangers.
THE PATH TO THE GRAVE IS THE SAME
The path we walk is the same. No one is special walking the path to a cemetery. We all take the same steps. If you doubt me just look at the cobblestones to a grave.
There are no special cobblestones for you.
In the “Essays in Idleness” the Buddhist 14th century monk Kenkō wrote:
“If man were never to fade away like the dews of Adashino, never to vanish like the smoke over Toribeyama but lingered on forever in the world, how things would lose their power to move us! The most precious thing in life is its uncertainty.” (5)
The intense love I have for my deceased Mima, grief I experience for her absence, and value she commanded in my life is because her death was inevitable.
I accept my Mima's death. I cry as I write these statements. None the less I write them. Death is a necessity to create love, value and endearment. None can exist without predetermined understanding what we love will end.
Humans are selfish creatures. The reality is death commands us to value things properly. None properly value something which will exist forever. Look at the human relationship with God. God is by nature under-appreciated by humanity. After all, Atheism is a thing.
MY FINAL WORDS
I am privileged for the gift of my Mima’s mortality. I thank God for it. For there is no better present I could have been gifted than the life of my Mima in my life. For God created death for the precise reason I would value her properly.
I will remember my own words as more whom I love pass away.
For it is this inevitable truth that death is what makes each person I love beautiful. I do not deny it nor do I repress the thought far from mind. I carry it every day. We all will die. It is this precise reason I treat family the way I do and love them today the way I do. You should too.
I hope this article helps anyone experiencing grief. It was written from the heart to echo compassion in moments such as these. These words are for you. The reader. They are not for me.
Small Recognition
This article is also dedicated to Andrea. You passed away too soon. Your family loves you and your presence will be missed. You were a wonderful sister, wife and friend. Thank you for being my friend.
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Sources
1) "Hardship and Happiness". Lucius Annaeus Seneca. Translators & Editors: Elaine Fantham, Gareth D. Williams, Harry M. Hine, James Ker. University of Chicago Press. March 5, 2014.
2) Ancient Buddhist Text, "Tittha Sutta". "Khuddakanikaya". Nationalencyklopedin. Bokförlaget Bra böcker AB, Höganäs. Oliver Abeynayake (1984). A textual and Historical Analysis of the Khuddaka Nikaya. p. 113.
3) J Res Pers. "Authentic and Hubristic Pride: Differential Relations to Aspects of Goal Regulation, Affect, and Self-Control". Charles S. Carver, Ph.D. and Sheri L. Johnson, Ph.D. 2010 Dec; 44(6): 698–703.
4) The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”.
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Not a form of investment advice. Please consult a professional registered to give you advice about your individual circumstance. This article is for educational purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please do not email the author about advice on investing or strategies on making investments.
About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”. Christopher has opened over 7 businesses in his 15-year career. Christopher’s purpose is to take advantage of various market-driven opportunities. Christopher is a certified Master Project Manager (MPM), and Accredited Financial Analyst (AFA). Christopher previously held his Series 65 securities license examination and was a Master Financial Planner (MFP). Christopher also held his General Lines — Life, Accident, Health & HMO. Christopher has managed a combined 286mm USD in reported Assets Under Management & Assets Under Advisement. Christopher has work experience in 33 countries, raised over 50mm USD for various businesses, and grossed over 13.0mm in his personal career. Christopher worked in the highly technical industries of: biotechnology, finance, securities, manufacturing, real estate, and residential mortgages. Christopher is a United States Air Force Veteran. Christopher has a passion for family, competitive sports, fishing, martial arts and advocacy for entrepreneurs. Christopher provides self-help classes for up-and-coming entrepreneurs. Christopher’s passion to mentor comes from belief that entrepreneurs need guidance. The world is full of conflicting information about entrepreneur identity. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.