Love more than one or love only one? Who is out of touch with reality? Them or us?
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WHAT DO THERAPISTS SAY
First let’s define Psychosis: Psychosis refers to a collection of symptoms that affect the mind, where there has been some loss of contact with reality. (5) Now let’s segway into a quote to demonstrate how some people lose touch with reality.
“…in the eyes of the therapists it is evidence of psychological defects in people who make such attempts or it is seen as a harbinger of unfavorable outcomes for the relationship.” (2)
Who would have thought? Many perpetrators who start off monogamous only suggest polyamory because they tend to not believe in favorable outcomes for their current relationship.
I know very well what it is to have a champion-based mentality. I won two state championships in football and am a two-time international bestselling author. With the utmost confidence I can tell you no team captain captains two teams. No general leads two armies. No warrior fights simultaneously for two sides.
There is always a choice.
We have confidence or we do not. If you believe in a conventional family structure, there is a leader. In a patriarchal family it is the man who assumes this role. A leader does not generally command separate empires. A region is either 1) incorporated into an existing structure or 2) destroyed to make room for the already existing structure. Most historical empires were built by families. Families begin with a man and woman.
If you start off your relationship differently this logic may not apply. The key is how you start off. Every person should have a firm foundation on how they view family, love, et cetera prior to proposing a committed relationship. What about the people who believe something different from the beginning?
POLYAMORY CONSENT TO NOT CHEAT
The term “polyamory” is used to denote “the practice of, belief in, or willingness to engage in multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships with the consent of everyone involved” (3)
Despite many other opinions, a willful open relationship is not a relationship with can be categorized under cheating. Often, I read too much from individuals who write complex ideas and due to their lack of vocabulary lump multiple concepts into one word.
Ladies and gentlemen, the English language is a beautiful language full of words. Learn to use them. There are definitions for a reason. We knew the concept of standardized definitions in grade school but somehow lost the concept in adulthood.
No wonder people are so confused.
If you start off your relationship differently this logic may not apply
Research shows that 1 out of 5 Americans and Canadians has made attempts at or had experiences of creating consensual nonmonogamy relationships. (4) This new age movement has prompted the scientific community to try and understand these new arrangements.
What are the emotional effects? Are there any consequences? How is intimacy handled? So many questions to answer. Folks remember. This entire arrangement hinges on consensual.
This is not for the separate behavior of whisking off into the shadows of the night with a turned off phone. Don’t use my words to creep on your spouse. You are missing the point and misconstruing my article’s intention.
MUTUAL SATISFACTION OF THE CONSENTED
Multiple studies from as early as 1980 to as recent as 2014 targeted specific groups who consented to some form of consensual nonmonogamy relationship. The ideas of what is acceptable and non-acceptable evolved over the past 40 or so years.
The common occurrence was taking one group of people who are monogamous and another who were not. The studies took an approach which analyzed the levels of relationship satisfaction, commitment satisfaction and sexual satisfaction.
Surprisingly, when both parties consented to their arrangement from the beginning a consistent theme of the monogamous and nonmonogamous surfaced. Both groups showed comparable levels of relationship satisfaction, commitment and sexual satisfaction (Blasband & Peplau, 1985; Buunk, 1980; Hoff, Beougher, Chakravarty, Darbes, & Neilands, 2010; Kurdek & Schmitt, 1986; LaSala, 2004; Mitchell, Bartholomew, & Cobb, 2014; Morrison, Beaulieu, Brockman, & Beaglaoich., 2013; Murstein et al., 1985; Ramirez & Brown, 2010; Rubin, 1982; Rubin & Adams, 1986; Wagner et al., 2000).
Don’t use my words to creep on your spouse
These are a lot of studies. It is not necessarily a complete argument for or against the idea that we are better off with polyamory. This is more or less an observation.
I gather that when people are given a transparent choice — there is evidence to suggest mutual satisfaction will occur with either relationship provided the person is freely allowed to participate on their own free will.
MUTUAL RESPECT FOR CHOICE NOT COERCION
At the heart of a monogamous relationship is the concept an agreement is given up front. This agreement has firm do’s and do nots. Honoring an agreement is considered important. There is supposed to be an element of transparency in healthy relationships.
Based on my review of the studies it appears that the data suggests the success of a relationship’s satisfaction is about honesty, transparency and firm expectations.
This is not really that surprising.
I am sure as you read this article you are looking for someone to be straight forward with you. I have many unpopular beliefs. I cannot say my morality is for everyone. I do not try to argue for it, but I do argue being up front is what ultimately matters.
When I first informed my ex-wife of my views on marriage, relationships and monogamy she broke up with me while were dating. My degree of openness was not okay for her.
We ended up getting married. So clearly, we came back together. Why? She rationalized most guys would tell her what she wanted to hear; only to go off with other women in the dark. I stood in the light and declared my unpopular beliefs. Although she still does not agree with how I am completely — she respects I was / am up front about it.
As a result, we have clear boundaries which included me making certain compromises to pacify her concerns. Ultimately, what a wife is entitled to is not what a girlfriend is entitled to. It is what it is, and it was what it was. What my ex-wife was given was a free choice to be a part of something; without the cheating or deception of being caught off guard / blindsided by the controversy of my views.
My own story supports my opinion. I believe most people simply do not want to be coerced into a situation they never would have agreed to in the beginning.
IT IS NOT CRAZY TO WANT SOMETHING EVERYONE ELSE DOESN’T
It is very easy to be influenced by the masses. This is especially true when you are not a person with conviction. If a person lacks confidence in themselves and their choices inevitably self-doubt will set in. This doubt can be reinforced by outside variables and people. People who have bad experiences with your current situation will be the most persuasive people.
It is important to understand a bad outcome for one person does not apply to all people. By this logic every person who ever experienced a horrific car accident should advocate all people stop driving. After all, look at all the evidence of bad car crashes!
You see my point?
I believe most people simply do not want to be coerced into a situation…
Sometimes we can frame data to become bias. Even I can do this. This is why it is important to factor in the environment where the situation derived from, exists and matures. The past of a person is very important. Do people originate from broken homes? Is polyamory about their lack in confidence about relationships or a culture whereby they were literally raised by two moms? There are many factors to consider. Too many for me to cover in this article.
THE POINT TO TAKE AWAY
The point I want leave you with is,
“You are not crazy for something that works for you; provided, there is an autonomy for you to choose your participation uninfluenced by the person asking you to participate.”
Don’t devalue an arrangement which brings you peace as this is the most elusive element of relationships. Help your romantic partner find their inner peace with you as well!
Unfortunately, not all my secrets will be discovered in this free article. You must pick up a copy of my international best-selling book “I Made It Then I Didn’t” or order “Many Paths To Profit” for that.
The concept I teach in this article is free. My personal stories are not. Don’t let pennies get in the way of showing you something much more valuable than a dollar. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
Understand transparency and up front communication will yield very positive results. All my relationships weather my controversy because of my transparency and upfront candor. Yours will too. Just be straight forward.
To Your Knowledge Success!
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Sources
1) The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” & Co-Author of “Many Paths To Profit” with the original shark from Shark Tank Kevin Harrington.
2) Arch Sex Behav. “How Do They Even Know They Love?” The Image of Polyamory in Polish Expert Discourse”. Grunt-Mejer K. * Chanska W. 2020; 49(8): 2829–2847. Published online 2020 Jul 28. doi: 10.1007/s10508-020-01787-8
3) Rubel AN, Bogaert AF. Consensual nonmonogamy: Psychological well-being and relationship quality correlates. Journal of Sex Research. 2015;52(9):961–982. doi: 10.1080/00224499.2014.942722.
4) Fairbrother N, Hart TA, Fairbrother M. Open relationship prevalence, characteristics, and correlates in a nationally representative sample of Canadian adults. Journal of Sex Research. 2019;56(6):695–704. doi: 10.1080/00224499.2019.1580667.
5) National Institute of Mental Health. Understanding Psychosis. What is psychosis?. 2024. Link: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/understanding-psychosis Accessed 18 Sep 2024.
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Certain elements in this story may have been fictionalized to illustrate a creative story. This is a form of artistic expression not narration of fact. Not a form of investment advice. Please consult a professional registered to give you advice about your individual circumstance. This article is for educational purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please do not email the author about advice on investing or strategies on making investments.
About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” and Co-Author with Kevin “The Shark” Harrington “Many Paths To Profit”. Christopher has opened over 7 businesses in his 15-year career. Christopher’s purpose is to take advantage of various market-driven opportunities. Christopher is a certified Master Project Manager (MPM), and Accredited Financial Analyst (AFA). Christopher previously held his Series 65 securities license examination and was a Master Financial Planner (MFP). Christopher also held his General Lines — Life, Accident, Health & HMO. Christopher has managed a combined 286mm USD in reported Assets Under Management & Assets Under Advisement. Christopher has work experience in 33 countries, raised over 50mm USD for various businesses, and grossed over 13.0mm in his personal career. Christopher worked in the highly technical industries of: biotechnology, finance, securities, manufacturing, real estate, and residential mortgages. Christopher is a United States Air Force Veteran. Christopher has a passion for family, competitive sports, fishing, martial arts and advocacy for entrepreneurs. Christopher provides self-help classes for up-and-coming entrepreneurs. Christopher’s passion to mentor comes from belief that entrepreneurs need guidance. The world is full of conflicting information about entrepreneur identity. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.
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