I Am My Mother’s Son Not My Father’s Man

Empathetic, compassionate and available for connection is not genuinely a male trait.

Source: Self Created Image using Canva Pro. All graphics licensed for commerical use from Canba Pro. All Rights Reserved.

EASILY MISUNDERSTOOD

There is a tendency to assume. With people, optics and perceptions define them. Whether there is the truth or not is not pertinent. The relevance of facts, context or even established fact is generally too much effort. There is a saying. The saying goes like this.

“If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck it’s probably a duck.”

What happens if someone is duck hunting and wading through the water in pattern to mimic ducks to ensure they do not scare ducks away?

This is a good analogy for most. As most do not understand how a person can value the opposite sex for their opinions, insights, and genuine closeness. It is a rarity to many. How many men do you really know who have genuine women friends?

I’m guessing none.

AN UNDISCIPLINED & WILD SOCIETY

In this western society the dynamic between men and women is very simple. Largely, these dynamics are defined by people who cannot help themselves from base level impulses. I mean that assessment whole heartedly.

Under the guise of being appropriate, not looking good, or insecurity people claim that both women and men are incapable of regulating basic instincts.

What instinct is this?

Why, so good of you to ask. The instinct to reproduce. Apparently, to most people a simple conversation between the opposite sex is only undertaken for one reason.

The desire to have sex. This is especially true if the people are attractive to the perceivers. The context is not relevant. Some women, in their search for validation, believe the only reason for a man to approach (in a non-work setting) is to date them. Likewise, some men believe the only reason for a woman to strike up a conversation is because she wants to date you.

These assumptions come from many places. I see them to originate from three very simple places.

EGO IS OUR DELUSION

Ego is an interesting component of the human psyche. It builds our confidence but also deludes us into false belief. Ego is the king of assumption. Afterall, anything that happens to us must be due to the fact it is meant for us?

People are the center of their own universe. This assumption comes despite the fact the universe is so much bigger. Science is not necessary. All we need to do is look at another person to realize someone besides us is alive. There is a whole story besides your own story. Lack of empathy feeds this delusion.

Many delude themselves into a false sense of belief the assumption they have for me spending time with them is I desire them romantically. This could not be further from the truth. If I do not try to hold your hand or kiss you — I am not romantically interested.

Laughing, jokes, and my appreciation for your time aside — I make my mind very quickly if a woman should be my friend or a romantic pursuit. Opening your door means I am courteous not courting.

People are the center of their own universe.

If you take the liberty to watch me interact with a woman you can observe. If I reserve my hands to myself, hug her in a way where her breast cannot touch me and do not gaze into her eyes from about 2–3 inches away from her face (my way of going about 80% to allow a woman to decide if she wants to kiss me) than I am not romantically interested.

We’ve just had a nice friendly time together. Many want to insist the opposite. That’s fine. Their insistence doesn’t make it true. It just means they insist.

INSECURITY IS YOUR FALSE PARTNER

Insecurity is a companion who tells you you’re not good enough. It is this companion who wears down your mind to convince you to avoid rejection. People who suffer from insecurity will often cut things off in anticipation of some manufactured event yet to happen.

Rather than being reactive, and responsive to tangible events — a person will attempt to get ahead of it by insisting they act based upon some foreshadow event.

You will hear them say things such as, “But it leads to this…” or “Eventually it will happen because…” or a favorite of mine is “I’ve seen the signs before…”

These are text book examples of people who suffer from insecurity.

The appearance of something is not evidence of it. Whenever someone makes an allegation, it must be accompanied by proof. If you think a partner is having sex you must catch the person having sex. They must leave a house late at night. They must keep away from your bed for prolonged periods of time unusually (for STD test results). You must see them writing messages to another non familial person confessing their romantic expressions. You must aggregate tangible real-life evidence.

Simply observing someone meet someone for a casual conversation is evidence of nothing. You simply have watched a person meet another human and have a conversation.

The appearance of something is not evidence of it.

There are many reasons to not tell a person why or who they went to see. This is especially true if the person you are with has an alternative life. This could be true for a police officer, a law enforcement detective, an intelligence operative, a politician or anyone who engages in difficult to understand lifestyles.

I am involved in fashion, modeling and film. It is not unusual for me to encounter women all the time in these ventures. I will have breakfast with them often or even meet them for lunch. Most want to know me because of what I can do for them. I am not foolish. They want to get ahead. I can help them provided I make some money from it or help elevate my brand. I am very much in entertainment. Just look me up. I might even pick one up to go back to the office.

It only requires one surface level question to unravel the insecurity, “Why are they there?” and then to produce the tangible reason so.

I am not for everyone, nor do I pretend to be. If a person accepts me the way I am and then becomes angry I refuse to change — than that is on them not me. I don’t care how the optics look. You should have never tried to build a life with me if you could not handle the nay sayers.

FEAR IS YOUR LIAR

Fear lies to you about things which will never happen in the future. This is the voice who tells you to worry. This is the thought who creates a pretend movie in your mind. Fear is the imaginative world which nearly all people suffer.

Many suffer more in their minds than they do in real life.

How many of you are gripped by the fear of being cheated on? Only to realize you actually have no evidence to support your claim. There are only perceptions of what you thought you saw. Things which force you to make inferences.

My favorite verses are verses from this scripture below.

[49:12] O you who believe, you shall avoid any suspicion, for even a little bit of suspicion is sinful. You shall not spy on one another, nor shall you backbite one another; this is as abominable as eating the flesh of your dead brother. You certainly abhor this. You shall observe GOD. GOD is Redeemer, Most Merciful. (2)

1 Timothy 6:4 they are conceited and understand nothing. They have an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions. (3)

You must actually believe in these things to ascribe to them. If you are more secular you will read these verses and think those who are not suspicious (.i.e. red flags) are foolish. That’s okay. Both the bible and Quran cite suspicion as sinful and one as evil. I personally believe that suspicion is a sin and it comes from the devil. Hence, I am not a suspicious person. I believe God will protect me from all bad events regardless of how it looks. I do not need to worry about my back because God will always do something to protect it.

Many suffer more in their minds than they do in real life.

That is why I see manipulation as a waste of time. I cannot control what God already controls. To ascribe to manipulation would be for me to set myself up as an idol. This is an unforgivable offense in my religion. Therefore, I am fiercely against it.

There is wisdom in being leery of suspicion. As often, it is simply rooted in deceit. For what greater victory could a deceiver have over you than to make something appear one way — only for you to find out later it was the complete opposite?

As they say, “The Devil is a great liar”. Fear, ego and insecurity is what caused my ex-wife to demand a divorce. Fear made her suspicious all the time. Ego told her she deserved more. Insecurity made her create a story something would eventually happen that never did.

Remember, the appearance of something is not the evidence of it.

MY MOTHER’S SON

I grew up without a father for most of my life. My biological father left my biological mother when I was very young. I cover this story and how it affected me in both my international best seller’s of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” and Co-Author with Kevin “The Shark” Harrington “Many Paths To Profit”. As a result, I developed an affinity of extra love and appreciation for what makes women unique from my mother.

My mother was intelligent, articulate and very insightful. Every day, in the morning and the evening she had a routine. Her routine was to make her coffee before she went to work. When she came home her routine was immediately start cooking. My routine was to sit at a bar or table while she did both actions. It was the only time I could get with my mother. She was always required, as a single mother of four, to be in motion.

Seldom did she get any time for herself. So, I needed to participate with her.

I would talk to her about anything and everything. I would ask her what I should do. I would ask her opinion of my day. I would ask for her guidance. My mother would talk to me for hours during these times. A woman’s perspective is both opposite of mine and perceptive on emotional items usually ignored by me. I learned from my mother women can be excellent supporters of their male friends when they are nonromantic. Some of the best friends I had were women. My women friends by far have done more for me emotionally than my males. My males have done more for me financially. News flash, males are usually absent for emotional needs.

It was in these formative years I learned to 1) enjoy a woman’s opinion, 2) value companionship of a woman, 3) ask for her insight, and 4) build close nonromantic ties with the opposite sex.

Most boys spend outside time or bonding with father figure role models. I had none as a child. They say very much how our actions are as children influence who we become as adults.

I agree.

I am my mother’s son not my father’s man.

I do not have my mother with me anymore. She is away. There will always be a strong desire to build a relationship with a woman in a nonromantic setting. I will always want to 1) enjoy a woman’s opinion, 2) value companionship of a woman, 3) ask for her insight, and 4) build close nonromantic ties with the opposite sex.

In some ways, it takes me back to being with my mother. That’s why I love to do it over breakfast and coffee. It takes me back to childhood watching her drink coffee while I talked to her about my entire life. In some ways, we are exactly who we were as children. Most women who involve themselves with me will never truly understand this dynamic. 

Then again, I am my mother’s son. Perhaps, the issue is most women only date their father’s man. What do you think?

You can choose to choose to observe and not judge off perception at any point. Unfortunately, not all my secrets will be discovered in this free article. You must pick up a copy of my international best-selling book “I Made It Then I Didn’t” or order “Many Paths To Profit” for that.

The concept I teach in this article is free. My personal stories are not. Don’t let pennies get in the way of showing you something much more valuable than a dollar. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Remember to have context, evidence and proof before you conclude. There is wisdom in control and restraint. Truth is based not on presumptions but evidence.

To Your Knowledge Success!

*

Sources

1)    The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” & Co-Author of “Many Paths To Profit” with the original shark from Shark Tank Kevin Harrington.

2)    The Quran. Authorized Translation by Rashad Khalifa.

3)    The Bible. NLT.

Like this Article? Tip The Author!

**

Sign Up for Medium Today! Gain unlimited access to all my articles and thousands of premium quality articles today.

***

Certain elements in this story may have been fictionalized to illustrate a creative story. This is a form of artistic expression not narration of fact. Not a form of investment advice. Please consult a professional registered to give you advice about your individual circumstance. This article is for educational purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please do not email the author about advice on investing or strategies on making investments.

About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” and Co-Author with Kevin “The Shark” Harrington “Many Paths To Profit”. Christopher has opened over 7 businesses in his 15-year career. Christopher’s purpose is to take advantage of various market-driven opportunities. Christopher is a certified Master Project Manager (MPM), and Accredited Financial Analyst (AFA). Christopher previously held his Series 65 securities license examination and was a Master Financial Planner (MFP). Christopher also held his General Lines — Life, Accident, Health & HMO. Christopher has managed a combined 286mm USD in reported Assets Under Management & Assets Under Advisement. Christopher has work experience in 33 countries, raised over 50mm USD for various businesses, and grossed over 13.0mm in his personal career. Christopher worked in the highly technical industries of: biotechnology, finance, securities, manufacturing, real estate, and residential mortgages. Christopher is a United States Air Force Veteran. Christopher has a passion for family, competitive sports, fishing, martial arts and advocacy for entrepreneurs. Christopher provides self-help classes for up-and-coming entrepreneurs. Christopher’s passion to mentor comes from belief that entrepreneurs need guidance. The world is full of conflicting information about entrepreneur identity. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.