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Would You Divorce So You Can Immigrate?

Writer's picture: Original Professional HustlerOriginal Professional Hustler

Updated: Oct 10, 2024

Sometimes Status is all that matters or rather the lack thereof.


Source: Self Designed With Author Taken Photos. Graphic Licensed From Canva Pro. All Rights Reserved.


AN UNCONFIRMED HUNCH


Three days ago, I wrote about faith being a necessity in marriage. One of the definitions of Faith is “firm belief in something for which there is no proof”. (4) Specifically, I focused on it pertaining to the teachings of biblical reference. Faith is an important element of marriage. When it is lost I think the marriage is lost. 


I honestly think hunches are mostly wrong. Sometimes hunches are right. 


I had a hunch my marriage was about immigration. Which meant I had to think my hunch was probably mostly wrong.


DUBIOUS WITHHOLD OR WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT?


When I first met my ex-wife, in 2022 I did not know she was illegal. She held a driver’s license, had a normal job and even talked about her mother’s social security checks. We kept a relationship going. It started off pretty good! Trips to Vegas, helicopter bookings and fancy fun diners. One day she claimed she had a conversation with a close friend. The close friend advised her she needed to tell me. She couldn’t keep me involved so emotionally without telling me the truth.


She relented. It came up in a conversation after I had declared my love for her. We were pretty far along emotionally. We were far enough I had purchased a ring to propose to her. She decided to share her status with me the month prior to our proposal.


BREAKING IT OFF THE FIRST TIME WITH MY EX WIFE


Initially I broke it off when she disclosed her immigration and a deeply disturbing personal issue which happened when she was a child. I had a similar experience with a woman who had that trauma. It was full of bi polar reactions and I never wanted to help a woman heal from that trauma again.


We remained friends. 


One night I visited her to return her shoes she asked for. We casually acted as friends. Eventually, I still felt attraction to her and respectfully told her I needed to excuse myself because of it. 


She then told me it was okay and I didn’t have to leave. So, I stayed. She explained she had DACA (Consideration of Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals), a special program instituted by the Obama Administration. (2) This program would allow her to stay in the US and there was even a path to citizenship.


I am usually a good researcher. I heard about DACA but didn’t really care too much to investigate it at the time. If I’m being honest, love with strong feelings can sway anyone from thinking logically. I would admit I was at a stage where I saw what I wanted to see. I’m sure many can relate. Especially when it’s late and there’s a beautiful woman inviting you to her room.


So I waived it off since she had disclosed it was a US government program. She was on her own path independent of me to citizenship and didn’t need me. So I wishfully thought.


UNPOPULAR SINGLE VIEWS


Many of you who read my articles know my views. Many are unpopular. Everything from dating multiple people to keeping your options open before marriage I advocated for.


It was not unusual for me to have more than one girl friend prior to marriage. Let me be clear.


Having multiple women around during a dating phase does not imply I approve of sexual promiscuity.


I do not advocate nor think rampant sex is a good thing. It’s bad. It’s bad for health. It’s bad for mental health. It’s very reckless.


I only had sex with one partner at a time. I didn’t have sex with multiples at the same time.


Typically the only form of commitment I offered to the primary was sexual exclusivity. I did it mainly for health reasons. I value my health. I define single as anyone “Not Married” or “Not Engaged”. Some of my include, “Two Attractive Women & One Man At Dinner. This Does Happen In America” and “The Value Of Submissive Women Is More Than Modern Women. Sorry”.


Those were some real headliners.


Full disclosure my ex-wife (then girl friend at the time) was the other woman at diner in the first article as well. So, she knew how I was. It’s why she broke up with me a few times. It was a lot to handle. I make no marginalization of it either. Nor do I apologize for it. That’s the way I was when I was single.


Single to me means not married. Highly unpopular I know. What made her come back was her view, “At least I was up front and honest about it.”


I don’t expect you to agree. I only want you to understand. This is an explanation how a man can be enamored enough to brush over immigration issues. It was hard to find a woman willing to deal with this strange arrangement. It is a testament to her resilient nature. It’s still an admirable quality of her.


This also feeds into an important lesson I want to teach at the end.


THE INITIAL DIVORCE FILING


I filed for divorce in 2023 after being with my wife for under a month. The reason? I found out how bad DACA was. I realized it was a program on the edge of being cancelled. I realized my ex-wife couldn’t rent an apartment — let alone have a job before the age of 30. She is now 36. That means for nearly three (3) decades of her life she lived — essentially in hiding.


I nearly had my heart hit the floor when I realized what I had involved myself in. I found out all of this after divorce. I thought she had DACA since she was a child. I found it this was not the case.

I impulsively without telling her filed for divorce because I felt betrayed. 


The divorce must have been about 10 days old when I told her. I was pondering when to tell her. She confronted me at midnight after she cracked my phone, reviewed a string of inappropriate texts I began having with a woman after I filed divorce. The woman came to me through my cousin. He gave her my number without my consent and rather than turn away obviuos flirts I flirted back. Not cool. I get it. No excuses for that. It is what it is. I’ll own it.


I have always been big about being careful around children. No violence, no yelling and no drama. It was a firm boundary I set. Given the scene she made in front of my then 8-year-old daughter at the time, who began to cry hysterically and tell me “Daddy I’m scared.” —  I calmly told her, “I filed for a divorce over a week ago. I know about the immigration. That’s why I don’t care who I’m texting now. It’s over.”


IMPULSIVE DECISIONS MADE ME 2ND GUESS


That entire exchange was inappropriate and juvenile on my part. I should have told her I filed for a divorce first but more importantly should have told her before the divorce filing. I should have explained to her I made a bad decision and not blind-sided her. I owned that in counseling and still do.


We took about a month away from each other. We were on the verge of divorce. Here I was after less than 90 days about to divorce.


I thought to myself, “Do I want to set this example for my daughter?”


I asked her to meet for dinner. We did. I told her many things that evening. Most importantly, I told her I needed to assume responsibility for my decision.


Negligence on my part is not reason to punish her. She didn’t coerce me into marriage. I could have just did the research properly. If I had done so — maybe we wouldn’t have been married; however, it was on me that I put her in this situation.


These were my thoughts. I reconciled. I put a lot of effort for the next two years. It’s important to focus on the word “effort”. It deals with an important lesson at the end. Results are different from effort. 


That’s why I’m sharing this personal story here. So remember it.


REPENTENANCE


It was during this time I really doubled down on church. 


I told her one problem was common law marriage. We should have done something proper. We should have involved the church. We should have taken vows. There should have been some formal ceremony. It was too casual.


We equally put in a lot of work. Marriage retreats, counseling, church work shops, dealing with old wounds. A lot of effort was put in. As I am writing the amount of effort we both put in made me feel were in a good spot.


So I thought.


CHANGING MINDS IS NATURAL NOT DECEPTIVE


I changed my mind on children during this time; on account of just getting older. 37 is different than 39. Two years matter. Other than that I didn’t see too much of an issue. We had to deal with a child issue where she told me, “I don’t see the point to us being married if we’re not going to have children. We might as well divorce but I’m getting my papers anyways”


The result of that emotional exchange was me telling I would refuse to participate in an application process to be a legal migrant if she had zero intention to be my wife. She told me to do what I had to do. The next day I withdrew the application to petition her residence status. I did not tell her I when I did so; only that I would do it.


That is where we get into the title of this article. 


Her interpretation of events is I breached trust & did the ultimate betrayal by taking away her immigration.


My interpretation is she lacks accountability to own up to her fault in the exchange.


She threw around wanting a divorce and I wasn’t going to be black mailed into a crime for her benefit (it’s an actual crime you can go to jail for to remain married just to get a green card — look it up).


HAPPY IN PARADISE RESOLUTION UNTIL…


Let me be completely candid. 2024 was a wonderful year for us as a couple. 


It was full of kind moments, hand holding, and zero arguments. No inappropriate behaviors. It was great. I invested heavily into her insurance licensing, propped up her career, purchased her a new Mercedes and really built a wonderful relationship with what I call, “My Daughter by Choice.”

My daughter by choice is wonderful, loving and just a gem. We took family trips, celebrated birthdays and well…had an awesome relationship.


My ex-wife and I had a great ride until 545AM CST October 4th 2024. That was the day when she was notified her application was withdrawn by USCIS. Then she went from complete happiness to volcano rage. 


She wrote up a document called a "Termination letter". She detailed why she made her decisions and chronicled exactly why she wanted a divorce. She even listed what she wanted. I was to be honest shell shocked. We went from hot to super cold in a manner of 24 hours.


For once I was blindsided.


She approved an uncontested divorce On October 7th 2024. As of the update of this article I am petitioned for an uncontested divorce via a "Drive By Mediation" (A legal term for all parties agree and there is no fighting - it is uncontested).


Now there are always two sides to the story. There is my side. There is her side. Then the truth is in the middle.


MY RESPONSE WAS TO FIX IT


When this all occurred (4 October), I calmly said, “Let’s wait for the letter. We will resubmit. It costs time and money. That sucks. It will be okay. I’ll petition again.”


The solution was not sufficient. For 25 minutes I listened as she needed to “know” who did this. I kept advocating calmly we would resubmit and most likely I had made an error. I would assume responsibility for it — pay for the costs.


No issue.


Still the press of heat was there. Like a burning fire. She needed to know who did this. Inevitably, I admitted to withdrawing the application as I had told her I would but not confirming to her after we reconciled that we would need to resubmit. I told her that in the heat of the moment of her throwing the divorce word around on account of no children it shook my faith in us. I didn’t want to commit a crime and I withdrew it. I was hoping a good run would make up for everything.


My heart says she was mad. My head says her actions show it was all about immigration. I follow

my conscious not my heart. As a famous biblical verse quotes, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (3)


HER RESPONSE WAS TO END IT


Back to the Friday 4 October. She calmly kissed me said I love you. Then she said she was going see an attorney.


When I arrived home, she was super upset.


We had made promises before God to never use the word divorce in issues which are resolvable. Adultery, idolatry (religious context) and violence were the only red lines we agreed were grounds for divorce for us. Everything else was agreed to be workable — or so I thought. 


She just gave me a speech about three days ago about holding people to their words. Not breaking them. And holding them accountable. So under no circumstance did I ever think the word divorce was going to come up. Technically, this didn’t fall under the boundary cross.


Holding to your character in difficult times is called integrity. I figured she had it.


I went for a hug, to tell her I love you and apologize and she said,


“Don’t touch me.”


I said, “Okay.”


She then exchanged words (I will spare you the belligerence) and said, “I can’t be with you anymore. I want a divorce.”


WHY NOT WORK THROUGH IT?


Upon pressing why she said, “Because I can’t trust you and I don’t feel safe.”


Mind you this is all regarding immigration — a solvable issue. It was not one of our agreed upon boundary crosses. I’m not marginalizing feelings but feelings are not what we use to make decisions. They are indicators for us to pay attention. 


I asked for some basic accountability on what she said to trigger my action. I received none. I asked about the promise she made to never use divorce. She said she didn’t care about what she agreed on. She could break her word if she felt angry. She became noticeably angrier. 


This began to be suspicious to me. Why all the anger on an issue which is simply be resolved by paying the attorney another fee and waiting 9–10 months? 


Who would be so upset about adding less than a year to a process if the intention is to be married forever? Seemed strange. I became curious not mad. It only is a big deal if you’re doing some type of countdown clock. So, I pressed.


A SURPRISE ADMISSION I WASN’T EXPECTING


Inevitably it came out, “The attorney said our marriage looks suspicious now. He doesn’t think he can get my papers. There’s no point to being married to you.”


To which I said, “So it was all about the papers?”


I did all I could do to tell her I didn't want a divorce. She could change her mind. I would only go on Monday to file the uncontested divorce if she wanted. I asked her to choose her words carefully because they could not be taken back.


She calmly looked at me and all but said “Yes. This has all been about getting my immigration.”


Finally, some honesty. I think she actually developed genuine feelings for me at some point. But maybe at another point she realized I wasn’t her fit. Rather than just own it I think her actions suggested she just needed to ride it out a bit longer. 


Once she obtained her green card and could travel she would use my character flaws to justify some other outcome. Sympathy is easy for someone who has controversial behaviors. All you need to do is talk to people who don’t agree. It’s not that hard. 


Just read what’s in the public forum. I am highly controversial.


These are what her actions suggested to me. I may be wrong but it sure looks that way. I don't know who gets a divorce over a withdrawn immigration application. It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud.


I get the symbolism, I understand my flaws and I own up to my errors. I am not offering any defense just citing out basic accountability. I can't imagine a real person elevating a withdrawn government form, which is eligible to be resubmitted, to the level of divorce offense.


Sorry it sounds like it's an excuse for something else. What that is I'll never know on account of how wonderful 2024 seemed to me. Frequent intimacy, every night cuddles and unlimited hand holds were the norm. If there was a problem I was totally unaware.


LESSONS FROM THIS EXCHANGE


This is not a rant of personal experience. The point of this article it to teach you the following points. I think these will help someone. 


I want to help you not get sympathy for my situation. Learn from my mistakes and gain my insights.


LESSON 1 — When you meet a woman, in any setting, she will hold on to your history. It does not matter if she was your girlfriend initially. Women tend to start your relationship clock the day you informally commit to them. I informally committed to my first wife and formally did so under exclusivity. The result was 9 years of great marriage until I decided to walk away (another time as to why). I only formally committed to my soon to be ex wife when we engaged. 


As a result she always looked for something which she could never prove. In person signings with any woman was a date. Friendships were preludes to affairs. You name it — she thought it.

If you have multiple women, when you are dating, there is a high chance a woman will continue to think you are this way in marriage. I would recommend not doing this with a woman you intend to marry. 


LESSON 2 — When you are in love it is important to seek counsel from those that love you. If I had taken the time to research DACA I would have most likely not married her. 


Talking to someone about immigration who loved me could have probably foreshadowed this. This had nothing do with her and everything to do with me. Go to people who love you and can see clearly. Your feelings can remove red flags and prevent unnecessary situations. I put myself in this position by following my heart. This entire situation I placed myself in. She could not force me to marry. Maybe influence my feelings but not force.


LESSON 3 — Always be satisfied with the effort. This is the relationship I put the most effort into. Had I been this to my first wife — without a shadow of a doubt we would be together. The proof is 2024. It was a great year. 99% of it was fantastic. This single event doesn’t define the entire relationship. We are not divorcing over the present. We are divorcing over the past she can’t let go of. My current behavior and views are great. It will be great for the next woman.


IN CLOSING


The purpose of sharing this personal story is to highlight key areas which support the lessons above. I want to share this if you are considering keeping your options open. Close them and agree to go steady. Any gaps are intentional and done on purpose as they have no bearing on the lessons. I am not making a defense pleading I am trying to show you how to avoid my mistakes.


As the saying goes, “The perfect man is made through his imperfections with other women.” 


By no means am I perfect. Far from it. Any condensed version published online is full of half-truths and details which are left out. Some are done so intentional and other unintentional. I am committed to full effort. I am happy with it regardless of the outcome. The result is me feeling very satisfied with how this all played out. 


Learn to lose graciously. This is just as important as winning with humility.


I lost. I will lose with grace. I am taking it on the chin and moving on.


You can choose to value your effort over results under any circumstance. Unfortunately, not all my approaches will be discovered in this free article. You must pick up a copy of my international best-selling book “I Made It Then I Didn’t” or order my new best seller “Many Paths To Profit” with Kevin “The Shark” Harrington for that.


The points I teach in this article is free. My personal stories are not. My final written words if she chooses to end this relationship are, “It was a great and wonderful experience for me to grow. I’m completely satisfied with the effort I put in. I can honestly say I observed the most personal growth during this time. Thank you, Karen, for these past two years. I wish you all the best.”


Are you this mature to conclude a divorce this way?


To Your Knowledge Success!


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Sources

1) The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” & Co-Author of “Many Paths To Profit” with the original shark from Shark Tank Kevin Harrington.


2) US Citizen and Immigration Services Website. Link: https://www.uscis.gov/DACA accessed 5 October 2024.


3) The Holy Bible. New International Version (NIV). Link: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jeremiah%2017%3A9&version=NIV


4) Merriam-Webster. Faith Definition & Meaning. Link: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/faith



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Certain elements in this story may have been fictionalized to illustrate a creative story. This is a form of artistic expression not narration of fact. Not a form of investment advice. Please consult a professional registered to give you advice about your individual circumstance. This article is for educational purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please do not email the author about advice on investing or strategies on making investments.


About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” and Co-Author with Kevin “The Shark” Harrington “Many Paths To Profit”. Christopher has opened over 7 businesses in his 15-year career. Christopher’s purpose is to take advantage of various market-driven opportunities. Christopher is a certified Master Project Manager (MPM), and Accredited Financial Analyst (AFA). Christopher previously held his Series 65 securities license examination and was a Master Financial Planner (MFP). Christopher also held his General Lines — Life, Accident, Health & HMO. Christopher has managed a combined 286mm USD in reported Assets Under Management & Assets Under Advisement. Christopher has work experience in 33 countries, raised over 50mm USD for various businesses, and grossed over 13.0mm in his personal career. Christopher worked in the highly technical industries of: biotechnology, finance, securities, manufacturing, real estate, and residential mortgages. Christopher is a United States Air Force Veteran. Christopher has a passion for family, competitive sports, fishing, martial arts and advocacy for entrepreneurs. Christopher provides self-help classes for up-and-coming entrepreneurs. Christopher’s passion to mentor comes from belief that entrepreneurs need guidance. The world is full of conflicting information about entrepreneur identity. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.

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